she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
