Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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