its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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