Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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