I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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