It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
