I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
