Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
