Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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