I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
