I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
