Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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