if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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