Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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