just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
