what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
