I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So many bounce houses so little time
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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