You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
