just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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