He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
