Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
