my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
