I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
