i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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