i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
