nut hugger
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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