I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
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