It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
