Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
