Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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