As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
