I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We have started to decorate penises.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
