So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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