Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
