Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
