i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
