Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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