Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
