Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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