Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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