I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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