Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
