Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
