just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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