so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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