i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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