Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
