I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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