so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
