I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
