I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
