her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
