I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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