I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
