I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
