My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
