She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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