OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
