Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize