He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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