Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
