4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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