im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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