I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
