I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
