how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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