my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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