The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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